im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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