Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
