how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
