too bad you live with your parents still
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
