I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
This house was built for laser tag.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
