You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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