Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
