he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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