I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
