oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
