I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
