ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
