Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
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he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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