if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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