honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
oh yeah. preciate
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
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Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
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Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.