just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
