He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...