And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
