So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
