dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Can you bring me the toilet please
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
