Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
