I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She needs sedatives and a leash
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
