she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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