we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
