This is not my ceiling
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
