What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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