Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
