Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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