your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
