Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
