she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
