I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
