well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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