I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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