That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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