She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
