my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
