we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
