No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
