Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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