And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
