I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize