Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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