4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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