and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
