I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
