Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
