I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
