Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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