just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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