i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
