I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
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