1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
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