This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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