My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
