I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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