Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
