as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
