someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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