also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
