he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
