I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
