first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
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Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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