Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
