I CAN MOONWALK!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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