the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
