Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
