She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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