I swear she didn't look like that last week.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my shit smells like andre
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
